So I went to a salsa social spot recently, and there I learnt that I am difficult to lead. None of my friends are surprised by this.
One person told me that it wasn’t that I was difficult to lead, it was that I keep trying to predict moves that aren’t happening. Which is true, I’m very used to choreography. But that doesn’t mean I won’t try it again.
Also Bette Midler said “it’s the heart that’s afraid of being broken that doesn’t learn how to dance” or something like that. That could be a factor too, since you have to trust the guy and just let him do what he wants pretty much, which I am not used to.
I’ve started watching I Hear Your Voice and yes it’s because Lee Jong Suk is in it and because I thought he was adorable in School 2013 so now I’m looking at his new drama.
So far I like the feel of this drama. The female protagonist isn’t completely helpless, I like dramas where the girls aren’t always looking to be saved. But at the same time she isn’t the perfect strong female character either. She’s more of a surviving wreck. Which is very believable - I think there are a lot of people in their early twenties that can identify with that. And even though Gum is younger than her you believe that he can protect her. For now at least.
I like the mind reading trait, in the drama! The more I think about it, the more I realize that mind reading is not my first choice for a superpower. In the drama Gum can only read someone’s mind while he’s looking them in the eye, which I like because then you can tune out thoughts. If you hear thoughts all the time regardless, then it would take alot of training and discipline to be able to to tune people out. Hearing peoples thoughts can give you a lot more information in any situation, sometimes that can be helpful, but sometimes when you have too much information it’s hard to focus on what’s important and has the most effect on the decisions you’re making. Also any opinion you hear from someone’s head has gone through their own personal filters and biases and when you don’t know what all of those are, it’s hard to put what you’re hearing into context and then you’re left with all this information in limbo - which is confusing because then you’re even more unsure of how and what information is affecting your decision/the situation. Furthermore, when you hear people’s thoughts, you can hear when and how they’re lying to themselves, you can hear the exact moment they give up, you can hear the shallow reasons why they dismiss someone, you can see into the darkest truths about human nature. And that makes it easier to believe the worst rather than the best in people. I prefer knowing that there’s darkness to people but then judging them on their actions rather than their thoughts. Especially when so many people give up so easily, I would get annoyed with everyone once I could hear them wasting their potential, and no one would know why I’m upset, and I would only be able to use so much information to try and persuade them to be more because I couldn’t let on that I can hear their thoughts. I wouldn’t want to be able to hear people’s thoughts, there’s a lot of pain associated with that, and there’s already enough opportunity to feel pain and dissapointment.
This is the recollection of 3 people I met in highschool and my relationship with them.
The boy I lost There was a boy who saw a side of me people didn’t, for a while he truly made me feel seen - y’know? Most people didn’t like him, they said he was a jerk, they said his girlfriend could do better, they said they hoped he would get off his high horse. But to me, he was funny, sweet, a little lost, and a good friend. I did develop a crush on him after he broke up with his gf, and he did kind of use me as his rebound girl - which sucked, you never want to be the rebound. But after a while he said things that hurt me. Looking back now I see a boy that constantly hurt people waiting to see which one came to save him from himself. Now I hope he’s become his own saviour. But he’s the friend I lost, the friend that was exactly who I needed in my corner until the day he became my primary source of pain.
The girl I gave up. There was a girl in my grade, we weren’t friends. I didn’t particular like her - still don’t. Yesterday she added me on Linkedin after not talking to me for 3 years, which I thought was weird. Today I saw her on the train, and she didn’t even say hi to me. When I decided to initiate a conversation with her, she clearly wasn’t interested in maintaining it. She was and is a background character in my life that I give up without a second thought.
The boy I reclaimed. There was a boy in my grade, we weren’t really friends but we would talk sometimes. I thought he was too negative most of the time but other than that he was a nice guy. We didn’t keep in touch after highschool, but we started following each other on twitter and it turns out that now he’s much more confident and we have a lot of the same interests. So we exchanged numbers, had a pleasant evening out and we’re crossing the bridge between acquaintances and friends. He’s the boy I forgot about and am now reclaiming.
These are the three people that have strewn themselves across my memory and across my life this week.
Last weekend was interesting. I had two experiences, the first where people were afraid to be themselves and have a good time, the second where people were unabashed to have a good time.
Saturday was my friend’s birthday party and it was a BYOB party because her husband is muslim and doesn’t drink. Now he’s completely accepting of other people drinking in his presence (provided it’s not a religious holiday) but even so most people - myself included - tend not to drink at his parties. And this one he was co-hosting so no one brought alcohol (well one guy did but that in like the last hour of the party). Both myself and the birthday girl and I had never been to a party with no alcohol and we we’re just like “ok, we’ll see how this goes”. Her husband is a really fun guy, one of those people who doesn’t need alcohol to have a good time. He was trying really hard to get people to get up and dance but they just wouldn’t, even when we played the macarena they didn’t get up and dance. And I was a tad annoyed because I feel you shouldn’t rely on alcohol to have a good time. But what could we do? It’s up to individuals to feel comfortable enough with themselves to let loose.
The next day I went to Anime North, dressed as Yuuko Ishihara from xxxHolic. To be honest, the cosplay I did for her wasn’t as good as it could have been, I didn’t do her justice. I lost track of time and thought I had an extra week to do her outfit when I didn’t. Anyhow, my mom dropped me out at the center and I don’t think she understood what I meant when I said that everyone was dressing up and my outfit is really simple. When we got there she was just in shock at all the costumes and colors and everything and she got so excited and started saying how next year my brother’s and I should go as a troop - she’s so cute. And everyone was so supportive of each other, and excited about each other’s outfits and so nice and it was just so much fun.
But the difference of the two days was evident. In both cases the environments were supportive and safe, but for some reason one day people were happy to let loose and one day people weren’t.
I don’t understand those posts/videos/gifs about people who are older than 20 being strange or too old for tumblr because
1) tumblr prides itself on being a site for people who create, and the idea that no one older than 20 creates is the foundation of a world I don’t care to live in
2) some of the most influencial people of the 21st century that are older than 20 use tumblr to unwind, and to connect with and mentor others - be it kids or adults that now have a direct line to interact with them
3) I’ve seen more philosophical/deep/well thought out debates/educational posts on tumblr that people actually read and act upon than on any other site
So I don’t understand where these posts, etc. about if you’re older than 20 you’re too old for tumblr are coming from, but imo they’re completely unfounded.
Sometimes I wonder how people, that I don’t know, stumble across my twitter account and decide to follow me.
I left my account open thinking I’d interact with people who either I met on tumblr, to stay in touch with friends (my first reason for getting twitter was I have friends who answer their tweets before their texts), interacting with youtubers, and interacting with people that find similar things cool.
But somehow my personal shits&giggles twitter account is being followed by people pushing their linkedin profiles, their small businesses, and christian/bible quoting twitter accounts. (Fyi I’m not even christian, not saying christians aren’t welcomed to follow me - but how did the bible quoting ones find me and decide “oh! We’ll follow the chick tweeting about youtube, korean/japanese food and tea”?) I just don’t know what I did to attract the followers that I’ve gotten. I wanted to attract followers. But since I’ve attracted a different group than I was expecting, maybe I’m representing myself on twitter differently than how I thought I was…
Update: I’m now being followed by a chess association. I’ve never tweeted about chess.
I sat down all focused to work, and I got a headache. You’ve got to be kidding me brain! If you expect to get sleep tonight you better calm down and help me get my work done or we’re gonna be struggling all night.
So today during my digital systems lab my partner got too close.
Let me explain the layout of our workspace to you. We have a computer and a circuit on the table along with our lab manual, and then there are two chairs for us to use. I try to turn the monitor so that we can both see it easily.
My partner is in two of my classes and we get along fairly well. I know the class material for this class better than him because I’ve learned some of it before and because I’m quick at learning/deciphering code. So I usually explain what’s going on in the lab to him.
Today though at one point when our code was compiling, he came and sat beside me and was so close that our thighs, upper arms and shoulders were touching. There’s no need for him to be THAT close to me, I do turn the computer screen, so I did feel very uncomfortable until he moved. But at the same time I was also disappointed that I couldn’t think of anything to say that would get him to give me space immediately that didn’t sound too offensive. I did shift a bit but looking back I could’ve just been like “oh do you need me to turn the screen more?” And then hopefully he would get the hint as I turned the screen.
Basically this post is to allow my followers to think of things you can quickly say to get someone to back off if they get too close. It was an uncomfortable position even if it wasn’t offensive, so I don’t want you guys to deal with that.
Tuesday I had a lab and we were doing it as one giant group cause we only one apparatus set up to use (the apparatus is pretty big - it took up a wall of the lab).
I volunteered to be one of the people reading the numerical reading of the manometer, and I was getting really annoyed at the guy reading the values with me. He wouldn’t stop rushing - we don’t have to rush, the lab’s not gonna take the full 3 hours and we only need 20 readings, so it’ll take 40mins, an hour max to get. But he wouldn’t stop rushing, and he was reading the values wrong! He kept rounding to the neareast 5 or 10 instead of reading the actual value. It was incredibly annoying.
After the lab I went around to each group and asked if they had gotten all the values they needed. And I was shocked at how this surprised them. Because they think that me making sure they have all the information they need to do their work is doing something above and beyond. But then they think that going to someone and asking to see their calculations, and basically asking someone to do their work for them, is perfectly normal. Which is ridiculous! I don’t understand why students no longer take pride in their work and no longer know how to draw the line between what’s normal and what’s above and beyond.
Let me start by admitting that I did not think this went well. I am still surprised that I have received a conditional offer.
First of all I was late to the interview (I ended up at Front St. West not East and I end up about 10mins late) and then when I tried to call him it turned out that I had written his number down wrong. This was pretty bad considering that some people don’t even get an interview if they’re late, and one of the three main character traits they were looking for is attention to detail.
During the interview, I didn’t make him laugh and that worried me. I was always told make the person interviewing you laugh, that secures you a spot in their mind. What I did do was prove to him that I had the instincts he was looking for. I was able to do that by reading up about the company beforehand (I know that most people reading this will think oh you hear that all the time, but you don’t know how many people I know go into interviews without looking up the company, and how many people I know landed jobs just by spending an extra ten minutes compared to the other candidates reading up on the company - it makes a HUGE difference).
The things I felt were most important to take away were
- No matter how slim a chance you think you have, don’t lose confidence in your abilities and convince your interviewer of them. Many people know they’re good, but they get nervous - I know I was nervous, I felt sweat dripping down my face, it was NOT comforting - being nervous is allowed. Letting your nervousness manifest into insecurities about your abilities during your interview is not allowed.
- Don’t be afraid to clarify what you meant. If during your interview, the interviewer says something that suggests they misunderstood what you said don’t be afraid to politely clarify what you meant. It’s important that you get a job where you are a good fit or else you will experience additional stress and pressure. Even if this is just a job to help you pay for school, you don’t want to have to deal with a job that will add to the stress of dealing with your courses and labs.
- Be upfront. For this position I knew off the back there were two days in Sept I wouldn’t be able to make, and I knew that even though I intend to stay on for a year I would need to double check my schedule in January. I told my interviewer this, and yes I was slightly worried it would work against me, but in the end he seemed to appreciate that. There are actual people that are interviewing you, be honest, and give them reasons to believe you and want to help you manage everything on your plate.
I will update my views on interviews after my next one. But for now this is what I’ve experienced - and I am completely aware and thankful that I lucked out and ended up with a good first experience.
I really want to dye my hair a deep plum purple. Unfortunately I can’t find any brand of hair dye that has good reviews for their purple, especially since I’m looking at brands that are good for dyeing dark hair (my hair is black). If anyone knows a good brand please msg me.
I love stationery. Fountain pens, parchment paper, printed paper, stamps, cute paper clips…the whole shebang!
So I went and bought some envelopes to write to my friend who’s currently in the UK. I’m happy with what I got even it’s a little plain compared to other stuff in the store (I was on a budget sadly). Below is a photo of my purchases. This time around it was only colourful envelopes.
Today is my brother’s prom, and he couldn’t find his aftershave while getting ready. Where was it? In my room. Why? Well you see, I don’t always remember to shave my legs in time for an event, so sometimes I’ll shave them like the hour before I’m suppose to leave. Now in order to make sure that the pores close and my legs won’t get infected once I expose them to the outside world, I rub on a layer of men’s aftershave before I put on mosturizer.
It’s bad I know. You should really shave your legs the day before an event and all that jazz, but you know if you’re running late just protect your legs with aftershave…But really you should try your best to shave your legs the day before to protect them.
I had a very uncomfortable experience Thursday during class. I think that mutual dislike for one of the students in my class, escalated to teacher condoned bullying today.
The guy’s name is “X” and he’s clearly very sheltered, desperate to prove himself, and a major kiss ass. Allow me to elaborate, the kid asked someone to explain what overtime was, whenever something goes wrong in class he uses the textbook definitions like idle time, waste, etc. to describe the situation in an attempt to get brownie points, and finally this guy only goes to take a smoke when the prof goes to take a smoke. I could go on but I feel those incidents adequately sum it up.
Until today, his sheltered responses in class were met with quiet flabbergasted are-you-kidding-me looks shared among class members. Which made me feel bad for him but it wasn’t overly serious in terms of being offending. And it’s not as if these looks were shared without reason, his responses really are illogical, sheltered or suck up comments. Today however, I was early for class since I had to do a presentation, and some other people were there too when the prof arrived. The prof takes attendance, and fyi when “X” walks in late he usually tells the prof not to mark him absent. So the prof turns to the few of us that are there early after pulling out his file and says “oh look! X is gonna run in and tell me ‘Sir I’m here don’t mark me absent’”. This ended up potentially being the catalyst for bullying behaviours. Out of the people that were early and privy to these comments were “A” and “B” who are the two guys that dislike “X” the most, and the first to spin around with WTF looks every time “X” opens his mouth. So when “X” finally arrives - which was 40 mins late - he without fail tells the prof “Oh sir, I’m sorry I’m so late but I’m not absent” and this comment the prof turns to “A” and “B” and says “what did I tell you?” and then “X” continues with “I’ll tell you a really funny story about why I’m late later”. At this point the whole class realizes that the prof is as fed up and annoyed with X’s behaviour as we are. So for the rest of the class X’s comments and responses weren’t met with quiet shared looks, but audible laughing and chuckling (and in some cases comments).
It’s a really thin line, but I think that it did escalate into group bullying that was catalyzed by the prof making fun of X’s behaviours along with the class. And I’m somewhat torn, I mean I feel bad for this sheltered kid who can’t even begin to understand what he’s doing wrong, but at the same time it’s like DUDE you’re asking to be made fun of!* I mean what’s the right way to deal with this situation?
* (and I know hard-core humanitarians say that no one asks to be made fun of, but until we live in an utopian world there are things that people can do to ask to made fun of - not saying it’s right. But it’s the way it is)
Do you think that this qualifies as bullying or am I just reading too much into it? And how am I supposed to do anything to prevent it from escalating further?
This summer I’m taking 3 courses to continue my business minor. With the weather being so nice and with all the movies coming out and things that I want to do that I never have time to do during the deadly school year - I simply don’t feel like studying.
But I wandered around downtown yesterday and I found these two notebooks screaming my name on sale and of course I picked them up. And then I thought, isn’t it funny? This odd nuance of ours, that buying new notebooks and new pens could convince us that studying is what we want to be doing right now? I mean I know I’m not the only person who buys new notebooks and pens when they need to convince themselves to study, I know alot of people who adore stationery. But isn’t it odd?
Either way I’m just happy that I found these when I did, and now I have to go finish making notes on chapters 1 to 3 of my management textbook.